iCrush
by lickthese
Summary: As much as I couldn't control myself, I ultimately fell for him and I don't regret what I did. I took Carly's advice and put all of the marbles out on the table. The only thing I was waiting for now is the outcome.
1. Hearts and Minds

She did the unthinkable. It was something I couldn't even imagine or see herself doing to any guy, or even myself. The moment she pulled me closer, the second our lips were pressed against each other it felt as if I was in some sort of stunned and dramatic state. My entire body changed from entire warmth to chills running down my back. I could feel goosebumps rising on my arms, my fingers beginning to tremble, and the complete expression of shock remains on my face. Our eyes never left each other as we continue to stare at one another until one of us would finally give up. Until then, I was trying to gather everything that had previous happened in the last minute. We went from us talking, to her threatening me, to her just standing only a few inches away from me. For a moment it was just the two of us having a simple conversation about admitting feelings to their significant other. A different conversation from the usual ones we would have. It was more of an emotion subject. All of that stopped when I thought what was once the impossible happened.

_Sam Puckett kissed me._

I was not just some ordinary kiss. It was evidently obvious that it was nothing like our first kiss where the both of us claimed we only did it just to get it over with. It was much more than that. This one's about her expressing herself to me. It was Sam putting all of her feelings out on the table. Sam that had just made the first and only move. I focused on the little details that stood out knowing that it was her that pushed herself to the toes of her feet just so we could meet face to face and for her to kiss me. It meant something. She felt something more and I knew this was deep.

I tried to think of every possible excuse for what happened knowing that she had done this. Maybe it was by accident. I took a quick glance on the pavement, trying to spot out a rock she might have tripped on to where she pulled me closer to her and to where miraculously our lips met. This was silly. She meant to do this and now we both have something we need to face together.

We still stood silent with the last words that were said by me were, "It's okay…". It had seemed like an eternity of silence had passed by between us, though I knew it was only a full thirty seconds or a minute at most. I felt a little more relaxed, allowing my shoulder muscles to ease and slowly drop back after rising on moments ago. I could read Sam's expression which was something I haven't seen before. I know I'm not a master of reading people's faces, but she had a look of nervousness and what also seemed to be a feeling of edginess and believe it or not, it also seemed like she was scared. Her curly locks slowly moved from the soft breeze and she remains a still after taking a few steps back away from me. Her shoulders were locked almost up to her neck, her bottom lip quivered, and she was probably just as confused as I was after what she had done. I was clearly waiting for one of us to say something, but that wasn't the case. My throat was dry making myself incapable to say anything. In her eyes I probably stood there like an idiot moving my mouth without saying anything in the process.

_Gosh, my heart was beating at an extreme rate…_

There are so many things that are going through my mind right now that is making it almost impossible for me to speak. It just so happened to be that she was annoyed by me, threatening me with her fists making contact with my face to kissing me. It was a quick shift in a mood change. Our project; Our what thought to be indecisive app. Whether it was right or wrong, even if it worked or not is was conclusive. Those two blue and red words that were flashing on the computer screen, the tranquil expression Sam had on her face as we tested the app. on her remained buzzing in my head.

Sam Puckett: In Love

This was the girl that made my life miserable since the beginning of us getting together to do iCarly. The girl I would always bicker and argue with and was the only one who would always insult ad tease me in any way she could think of. She's the one who would always find some way to bring me down to a certain point of extent. The one who would come up with many of these countless nicknames for me. All this time I was thought it was for no reason, or so it seemed. One hit after another. There were times where one moment we'll be talking and then five seconds later I'll end up on the floor crying for help while she on top of me, pinning me down with ease. The one thing that stood out to me most was that the last thing I remember between to two of us was that we hated each other. That wasn't until now.

_She's in love with me._

I could whip out the definition of 'Love' right now if I could but matching the meaning with Sam just seemed quite impossible, but it's happening. Taking all of this in for one night was a lot, especially for one who never thought this day come. If only I could imagine what she was thinking. I needed to say something. I couldn't just stand here and leave her questionable.

"I…I…um…" I began at a low tone. I hope it was loud enough for her to hear. "Dur…you...I…" Everything was rushing in my brain as fast like a freight train. I couldn't even think of where to begin. I thought that I sounded like a broken robot, muttering out parts of words like my body wasn't able to function correctly. I could tell that she knew I was having a hard time dealing with this, but this was just as hard on me as it was for her.

"Look, I…" She began.

She stops and her sight moves past me. Wondering what had captured her attention, I turn around and spot Carly joining us outside while closing the classroom door behind her. By reading her face I knew that she didn't have to ask what was going on. Her mouth was dropped open as if she had seen something frightening happen in front of her. She stood a few feet away from me and the look on her face explains it all.

"Wow." She says in amazement. Her eyes traded between me and Sam and I knew there was going to have to be more clarifying to do. I noticed that Sam was keeping her eyes on me as if Carly was never here. Carly takes a step closer, brushing her hair off the side of her face as she too tries to summarize what just happened in her head. "So…it wasn't Brad after all." I turn my head to see Sam's answer but all that she did in response was shaking her head just barely. There was another extensive minute of stillness between the three of us before she carries on speaking again. "So...?"

Her attention was on me and I was still befuddled as before. I take a quick glance at Sam, then back at Carly. "I…I don't know."

"Sam?" She asks.

I could hear Sam's footsteps from behind and I watch her walk pass with her eyes fixed on me. She has an appearance on her face of which I couldn't put the pieces together. If I could guess, she looks as she's dissatisfied and at the same time disappointed and upset, but the only question to me was with what? I was getting more muddled with everything going on by the second. She stops in front of Carly before slightly opening the classroom door with her left hand.

"Now you go bake me that pie." She answers calmly, then turns back to look at me one last time. "And I go home."

_Whatever that meant…_

At the moment all I can do was watch her enter inside the classroom and the door closed shut behind her. Now it was just me and Carly this time. After a few more seconds of quietness, she takes a small number of steps closer to me knowing that I wasn't moving a muscle and not attempting to anywhere.

"Why did she…? What was…?" I can tell she was also having a hard time trying to understand what was going on by her having a difficult time trying to start a simple sentence. "What just happened here?" I was asking myself the same question over and over although the answer was bluntly obvious. I couldn't get the words out of me and I still can't believe it as of now. She grabs both of my arms like Sam did before and began shaking me softly which quickly caught my attention. "Freddie?"

"I…I…don't know." I persist on avoiding eye contact.

"But she…she kissed you." She says, sounding as if it was very challenging for her to comprehend. "Sam kissed you."

"I know…that." I said, placing my hand on my forehead. "I just…"

"How did it all start?" She interrupts.

"I don't know." I answer quickly. "I mean, she was sitting over there and I was over here and we started talking and…"

"You two kissed…?" She interjects again. It looks as she was more jumbled and flabbergasted about this than I was. I just watch and listen as she tries to put the pieces together herself. "But…but that means she only wanted to join your group so she could be with you."

"No, not necessarily…" I interrupt.

"And when she canceled from hanging out with me the other day and she went to the movies with you and Brad, she did it so she could be around you."

"Maybe she wanted to see a movie." I state, trying to find every other explanation.

"And she kissed you. Your app. said that she was in love and we both thought it was with Brad…" Her eyes travel downwards and it took her a split second to look back at me. "…but she loves you."

We stood quiet yet again. I try to soak everything in but it seemed like it was too much to handle in one unexpected night like this. It was like I needed to go outside for some air, but I was already in open-air. My eyes were straight on Carly and she exchanged the same look. I was out of words, but had many questions and they were questions I was too afraid to ask. The weird thing about it was that I want answers too. I want answers to something that didn't make any since from now and all the way back when it all started in the past three and a half years we've known each other. Usually someone prepares for something like this to happen, but this was unpredicted. A headache was coming on and for a moment and just for curiosity I wanted to know what was going on in Sam's brain. What was she thinking?

"Freddie…" Carly starts off with a lenient tone. My eyes make contact back with hers and I could tell she was very bothered. I was still speechless and I felt like I was beginning to have a cramp in my stomach, not wanting to know what was she was going to ask me next.

"Is it mutual?"


	2. Thousands of Questions

It was another one of those weekends where Saturday and Sunday would purposely pass by quickly. Today's the day where I would go back to school where we turn in our projects that we were working on previously during the lock-in. A couple of things that were important occurred during that night and none of them actually had any connection with our project. Instead of relaxing and coming up with ideas for some of our future iCarly ideas, I've spent the entire two and a half days doing some serious thinking. I was stuck in my home all day so much that my mom was all over my case two times worse than she usually is and her nagging me didn't even because a nuisance. She wondered why I wasn't hanging out with Carly and Sam so badly that I spotted her yesterday sneaking by and asking Spencer as if he knew what was going on. She assumed that maybe the three of us got into a fight, though it was much different than that. It was still bad because none of us were talking. I surely didn't have any connection with Carly and Sam for the past two days but I didn't know if there was any communication between the two of them. School made everything worse for our situation and for the first time I actually didn't feel like coming. This was the place where I had to see them. It was going to happen whether I tried to hide from them and avoid them the whole day. I had classes with the two of them and worst of all I didn't know who I was going to be with during lunch. I assumed we would all potentially try to hog Gibby for one entire day, probably making him feel special. I needed to take that to my advantage. Third period was next. It was the class where Brad, Sam, me, and the rest of our classmates had to turn in our projects, but surprisingly I hadn't seen Sam at all today during the first two periods and between passing periods. I was beginning to think that maybe she ditched school.

It wasn't that I didn't want to see Carly and Sam, but it was the fact that none of us said a word to each other after what happened that night makes everything strange and different between the three of us. Avoiding the ordeal sounds like the best and dumbest plan I came up with and facing it was a lot easier said than done. I didn't meet up with Carly today to leave in the morning for school due to the fact that I had left a few minutes later that she typically did. Another thing that was strange was that she didn't bother knocking on my door to ask if I was coming to join her. I immediately came to an assumption that she was upset, but if so the question to me would be for what reason? Nothing really happened to her so maybe she was just going along with us. Since she did see everything that happened, as she recalled it out in front of me only minutes after, maybe she's almost as much as stunned as I was. If I can remember this is clearly, Sam's the only person that I know in my life, besides my baby cousin Stephanie at one point, who disliked me. She always has an attitude with me, manages to create new bruises all over my arms and legs, and always finds a new way to bring me down even to the point where she embarrassed me all over the internet and school. I never would've thought that my worst enemy that is also my best friend is in love with me. It was impossible for me to even attempt to speak of it. I needed to. I know I'll have to talk to her sooner or later. I'm deeply disappointed in myself for not saying a word when I had the chance after she made her surprising move. I left her hanging and leaving her with questions about my feelings for her.

_How I felt about her..._

It was a big risk she took. By experience and knowing Sam, I know she takes a lot of risks but all of the crazy things she's done before is nothing compared to her putting all of her feelings out on the table. I know it wasn't easy and she had major guts to do something like that. The both of us seemingly did a good job of hiding how we actually felt about each other for some time. I would've never known how Sam felt the way did hadn't she kissed me, but little did she know how I felt for her. It was complicated be easy to comprehend, if that makes any sense. Me explaining it would cause my brain to explode so going along with the pace sounds a lot simpler even though it wasn't the best idea I came up with.

The hallways were filled with other students that were purposely stalling themselves from going to class. I came down the hall where I saw Gibby digging in his locker for something. The dirty blonde and brunette were nowhere in sight which made me feel more relaxed.

"Gibby!" I whisper just loud enough for him to hear me. He pulls out a novel from his locker and nods to me. As he walks over, I spot out his right index finger was wrapped with gauze like a cast. "What happened with your finger?"

"Oh this? Yea, Sam broke it the night of the lock-in and she left afterwards."

After hearing this I came to a conclusion that she was angry about that night. It felt like my heart sunk to my stomach and I began to feel weak to my knees. "H...how did she break it?"

"You know what? That's a good question. I woke up lying on a desk all alone in the math classroom a couple hours later. I asked everyone what happened to me and they didn't even realize I was missing the whole time."

"Um...ok." I look to my left and right to see if Carly and Sam were anywhere near. "Hey, have you seen Carly or Sam by any chance?"

"Yes for Carly and no for Sam. I met up with Carly a little earlier today to prepare for our project. She seemed a little…" He pauses and puts quotes from his bendable fingers, "…wierded out."

"Weirded out? As in how?" I ask suspiciously.

"I don't know. She didn't really seem like herself. I mean, she was herself, but she was just acting…"

"Can you get to the point?" I ask impatiently.

"Rude. Anyway she just seemed a little down is all. Nothing big, why?"

I look away to see if they were at their locker by any chance. "Just asking."

She seemed a little down? Things were getting a little more confusing each minute, but I didn't want to take Gibby's words completely. I just want to leave school and stay home for the rest of the week until this whole thing blew off. As much as I didn't admit it, I was scared. Not scared of Sam possibly beating me up, but just scared that this ruin our friendships. It's always good to think about the best outcome that would happen, but nothing like this ever happened to me before.

"What's wrong? Is this about what took place on Friday during the lock-in?" He questions.

He quickly caught my attention. "How do you know about what happened on Friday?"

"Are you kidding me?" He looks to his left and right, then moves closer to me like he was going to tell me a secret. "Everyone at school knows what happened to you on Friday."

"What! How did everyone know? How did you know?"

"Kathy told me." He replies quickly.

"Wha…who's Kathy?"

"I don't know." He answers after thinking for a few seconds. "All I know is that there was no two headed frog outside when I went to go see one."

"Two headed…?" For the moment, I thought he had actually found out that Sam had kissed me. Not that I didn't want him or anyone to know, but this was our business. I didn't want any rumors going around which would eventually have Sam kill me. "Never mind. Forget it."

The next bell had run which sent kids with projects flying their way into their nearby classes. Gibby closes his locker and heads down the hall towards our science class. "We might as well get going before we're late."

I let out a low moan as we started our way to class. I felt cold all over, my fingers simply trembling nonstop like vibration of a phone. I felt weak to my knees again, almost as if I was about to fall over. My back was tense and I had a feeling that my entire body was going to give up on me. It's funny how a bunch of nervousness can make you feel.

"Hey Freddie, wait up!"

I heard someone shout from behind me. I immediately stopped walking and didn't bother to turn around thinking that it was Sam. When the figure caught up with me, I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned my head slightly to see it was just Brad. "What a relief that was."Oh Brad, it's just you."

"Yea. Hey, have you seen Sam anywhere?"

"No I haven't. I was just going to ask you about the same thing."

"What is with you two wanting to know where Sam is all the time?" Gibby asks, opening the classroom door. "Personally I want to stay away from her until my finger heals."

"She's the other partner for our project. It's she's not here, that'll kind of mess us up." Brad responds, being the first to walk inside.

I was the last to come inside and saw the entire class already sitting down in their seats with the teacher still instructing. A few of the students causally looked at us just to see who was coming to class late. Projects were located in the front of the classroom which made me think that we were starting already. As slow as I was walking, I was trying to spot out my two best friends. Carly and I quickly caught eyes as she sat two seats across from my empty seat. She didn't seem happy at all, didn't even give me a smile as I gave her a slight one. My eyebrows rose as I then spotted the back of Sam. Her curly locks reaching the back of her black and blue striped plaid shirt as she had excellent posture and her legs crossed while she sat quietly. Neck up and back straight, all of her attention was focused at the teacher that was speaking for once. She was one of the students that didn't bother turning around to see who stepped in class, probably already thinking it was me who came inside just barely late. I sat in my empty seat ahead of her, not giving any eye contact as I walked by which made it look like I didn't even know her. I was afraid to say anything and if not something. I couldn't keep myself still, needing to play around with hands to help keep myself calm.

_Now if only we weren't chosen to go first._

"Brad, Freddie, Sam. You're next and please don't let it be a project that will cause something to explode and blast open the ceiling like last year."

"I told you, it's not my fault that my fat cakes were overheated." She says angrily.

I was the first to jump from my seat, rushing to the front of the classroom with my laptop before the other two. Sam grabbed a spare chair and placed it only a few feet directly across from where I stood. As much as I resisted, I could help but watch her the entire time. When she was done with her part, she surprisingly stood next to me while Brad grabbed the camcorder and stood aside to prepare for recording the entire process. When I finally had everything connected, the three of us stood before the class to describe about our assignment.

"So…" I began, "Our project is our own engineered app. called the mood face app."

"Basically it's like any other app. on the pear pad, except it reads your face and tells us what kind of mood this person is and in this case Sam is our guinea pig." Brad continued.

"I'll be used for the app. to be tested on, Freddie will use the app. to see what mood I'm in, and Brad will record this whole thing because it makes this seem more sciency." She stops talking for a second and takes a quick look at me. She seemed tranquil and calm, but I couldn't tell if she was playing an act or if she was actually being Sam. "When we're done and before we show you the results, I'll honestly tell you the mood I'm feeling when it's over."

I took a deep breath and stood behind the table that separates some space between me and Sam. As everything was loading all together, Brad began recording the entire procedure. Sam relaxed and began staring into the pear pad like she did before during the lock-in. While waiting for the entire process to go through, I took a glimpse of Sam as she waited. I tried to read her emotions as fast as I could before she would realize I was staring at her. Knowing how she was feeling right now at the moment is questionable to me and I was very anxious to see the results. Suddenly, I saw her eyes move directly towards me. I quickly put my focus back on the pear pad and fortunately it was complete. The flashing blue and red words that defined her mood as 'Hungry'.

"Is it done?" She asks patiently. I nod my head as yes for an answer she turns around to face the entire class. "Now before he shows you all my mood, I'm telling you right now that I'm starving so if any of you have any fat cakes, keep them hidden."

"Freddie?" The teacher asks for the results.

I turn the laptop around to show the class that in fact our mood face app. was conclusive. It was a good sign that did show that our app. does work, but it doesn't help me know how she was really feeling. Maybe she was somehow covering up and forcing herself to hide how she truly felt, substituting hunger to trick the system.

"In conclusion our pear pod app. is definite. Sam is hungry as she said and the app. correctly analyzed her face, coming up with the decision that she is actually hungry."

The teacher begins clapping his hands, "I'm very impressed. You may sit down now."

Before she was to sit down, she looks at Brad from the other side of the room. "Hey, where's the fudge you owe me?"

He pulls out a small plastic container of fudge inside and tosses it to Sam of which she easily catches before taking her seat. I ignore any potential eye contact with her when I take my seat. I could hear her smacking on the fudge from behind as the next group of students began demonstrating their projects. I didn't like how this was going so far. I haven't said a word to her and nothing about here, making me think I was the only person who had the problem. I never dealt with this type of situation before, making it a difficult for a first time experience. I pull out my pear phone from my pocket and placed it underneath my desk so the teacher wouldn't see. I quickly sent a text right to Carly and look over to her direction to see if she received it. She responds by looking over to me uncomfortably. I get up from my chair and go over to the teacher's desk quietly to grab a tissue and head outside the classroom. I caught Carly doing the same, which would make it quite obvious to the teacher that we weren't taking a step outside to blow our noses. She was the last to come out of class, tossing the tissue in a nearby garbage bin.

"What is it?" She asks softly.

I shake my head just barely, having complications again on having to start. "I don't like how this is going. The whole you, me, and Sam not speaking to each other."

"What do you mean you, me, and Sam?"

"Have you talked to her after what happened?"

"Yes we talked. We had a long talk actually. After the whole lock-in she came over to my house and we had a huge discussion about what was going on with hr. Then she fell asleep and hogged the entire covers on my bed." She says, bothered about it.

"Ok, so what did she say?" I ask edgily.

She takes a couple of seconds to answer before looking off to the ground elsewhere. "I think you should go talk to her for yourself."

"What? I can't do that. She'll rip my arms and legs apart."

"You owe her."

I gave her a questionable look. "What do you mean I owe her?"

"Come on Freddie, think about it. When was it the last time Sam has admitted how she truly feels to anyone besides me and you…well most of it besides this situation? I mean, she constantly uses sarcasm, food, and sometimes violence to hide her true feelings and the fact that she…well, you know….kissed you….It was just a very brave thing of her to do. And I know you couldn't really come back with anything cause you were just as surprised as I was...but it's Sam now. You have to talk to her or this could ruin a perfectly good friendship."

"But she hasn't said anything to me yet and…"

"And you haven't said anything to her. How do you think she feels right now? She's never done anything like this before and the both of you are so nervous to say anything to each other because you're afraid of what will happen next. She's spilled everything on how she feels about you and we both know you feel something for her, she just doesn't know it yet."

_I don't know how she knew and I wasn't going to deny it, but she was right. I feel something for Sam._

"But she's acting like everything's totally fine right now."

"You know Sam's not going to cry and sob about this. That's nothing like her. You just have to talk to her and get everything out so you two can understand each other..."

"You know, the two of you using the tissue method isn't a good cover up for you two to talk out here about me." Sam intrudes from behind us with her fudge and her backpack dangling off her shoulder.

"Uhhh…" I start to panic.

"Whoops…" Carly mutters and starts taking side steps back to class. "Well I think this is the part where I leave you two to somehow have a serious conversation outside of the classroom.

I stood quietly as the both of us watched Carly enter the classroom and the door closing, leaving the two of us alone. I knew Sam was waiting for me to explain, but all I could do at the instant was look down and place my hands in my pockets. It was apparent she knew that we were talking about her so I might as well come out with it.

"So what's going on? Is there something you need to say to me?" She asks uncertainly.

I look into her blue eyes, finally finding the nerve to say something. "Are you…is everything ok between us?"

She doesn't take any time to think for an answer, coming out with one directly. "I guess so. Everything's fine. Why?'

"It's just that…I mean…well Friday night during the lock-in…"

"Ok…?" She asks.

"I think we should talk about it."

"What's there to talk about?"

"It's just seems like that something's wrong. I mean, you're not hitting me, threatening me, pulling any pranks…it's like you're only ignoring me and not really aggressive anymore."

"Maybe I don't want to be. Just get on with it Benson. Do you think there's something to do with ever since that night?

I shrug my shoulders. "Yea, kind of."

"Have you ever considered maybe there's something wrong with you?" She says sarcastically. "I'm fine. I did what I did you had nothing to say back, so that's that."

"It's not that simple."

"It never was." She retorts. "Listen I know I put you in a weird position and I'm sorry for that. My feelings took over me and you don't have to explain yourself. I get it because this is what it is. We're still on good terms though."

She was somewhat correct. I don't know what was going on with me. I'm completely lost with no words and I wasn't making this easier on myself. Instead I was doing the exact opposite, making this harder than it already was and keeping her second guessing about her decision. I couldn't even speak, watching her walk pass me to head over to her locker. I wanted to say something but I felt as if someone was keeping my mouth shut from being able to speak. This was the best moment where I could get everything out, yet I was blowing it all up to pieces.

"I guess I'll see you later then." She says.

Then only a few seconds after turning down to the other hallway, she was gone.

_She doesn't completely understand how I feel._


	3. Enchanted

Today had purposely taken forever to get by. Having to sit in three of the five classes I had with Sam and Carly were a pain. There was nothing but silence between the three of us the entire day and we didn't even bother meeting up during passing periods or going on our usual visit to the Groovy Smoothie after school. This was awful and didn't turn out how I wanted it to. I was blaming myself for my stupidity from not say anything to Sam, stalling and too afraid to say anything to her. The thing is I don't know how to begin talking to her about that topic. It's like going on your first date and you're thinking of ways to impress the girl, yet all you have to do is be yourself. Me being myself was me being nervous. I didn't want to act all cool about it and say 'It's ok. I feel the same for you...' cause that's not how it works. The situation for me is complicated and I was never prepared for this anytime now or later. She simply expressed her feelings to me in a way that I would've never imagine her doing. It seemed so simple and since it wasn't anything Sam would usually do, she was courageous for doing it. So why couldn't I?

It's simple. First off, she probably thinks I'm still crushing hard on Carly ever since I met her. I know I never said much, but I haven't really thought of Carly that way anymore as the tme flew by. It sounds better and I'm more comfortable as her being a best friend of mine than a girlfriend. Second , it's Sam Puckett I'm talking about. I haven't mentioned anything emotional related like this to her. It was more of hatred, getting into trouble from her, and then our good times when ww're making iCarly webisodes and mini's with her. Then there are times during our random mini's we're I'm having enjoyment being around with her. Doing this is new and something I wasn't intentionally arranged to do.

Thinking over the weekend on how many times Sam and I would spend time together when Carly was gone made me think about how she and I have something special and more than just a friendship. It was one of those situations where you don't have to have three or more people in order to have fun. I can enjoy having a good time with Sam without Carly around. That explains a lot. All of the emotions we shared with each other we pushed them all through with violence and hatred, for the most part. It's like a silly little game we go back and forth like cat and mouse. Expressing all of this to her was difficult and began to feel that I wasn't as brave as she was. This isn't about telling some girl I actually have feelings for her. This is again, Sam. The one who always told me that no girl would ever like me, the creator of tactical pranks, master of creating simply bruises everywhere on my body, and somehow coming up with a nickname every time we are around each other. I can go on and keep describing how and what she is to me. Though she's done this over the course of our friendship from beginning and up until now, I never even realized all of this was just through one emotion instead of the exact opposite of what I thought it was.

_**Love**_

It was complicated for me to recognize but now simple to understand after putting some actual thought about it. Me being myself, I always ignored it but never saw the little hints and signs. Her plans to find ways to hang out with me without blowing her cover were flattering. The fact that she skipped out to hang out with Carly to come with me and Brad to the movies, when she brought us snacks and single handedly brought my cables and camcorder, to just her simply wanting to hang out with me and Spencer to make random videos at night…it was just pleasing and joyful. I could think about it all the time whenever I want, but it's not the same as saying it to her.

Pure frustration is the key word I can define myself right now. As soon as I reached the floor to my apartment, I felt a headache coming on. Before I could enter my apartment, I was trying to find my keys in my pockets but to no avail. I swung my backpack to the side of me and ran my hands through the back pocket and couldn't feel a thing. I must've left them inside my house before I went to school. As a last resort, I turn to the Shay's apartment and knock on the door a couple times. I heard some banging in the background and expected Spencer to be rushing over in a hurry.

He opens the door with the sleeves of his grey thermal rolled up to his shoulders. "Oh Freddo, it's just you. What's up?"

"Not much. I left my keys inside my house so I was hoping if I could stay over until my mom comes home. Is that cool with you?" I ask.

"Sure, come on in." He welcomes me inside. "Where's your mom at?"

"Some type of nursing club." I drop my backpack on the couch and notice that he had shaving cream all over his arm. "Um…what are you doing and why do you have shaving cream all over yourself?"

"Oh this stuff? I'm shaving my arms so they can become extra smooth like my legs."

I chuckle to myself, "You shave your legs?"

"Don't judge me." He heads back into his room.

I look around the living room and realize that nobody else was here. "So, is Carly home?"

"Nope. She's on her way home from the Groovy Smoothie with her friend Wendy, I think. But Sam's here."

I didn't catch it , but after taking in what he just said for the second time made me wonder. "Wait a minute, what? Why is she here and Carly isn't?"

"That's a very good question!" He shouts from the back with the shower water running. "I think she snuck in when I wasn't looking. One moment I'm taking a bubble bath and then next I see her on the couch watching TV with my left over ribs from last night."

"Is she upstairs?"

"I think so, probably sleeping in Carly's bed or something."

"Right…" I slowly walk by his room and head for the stairs. "I'm just going in the iCarly studio to bring back some equipment. It'll only take a sec."

"Take all the time you need! Ow!" He shouts from downstairs.

I quickly pace my steps upstairs to Carly's room. The door was open, but didn't see Sam inside. I figured either she left before I got here or that she was still here, just in the studio. I left her room and walk down the hall near the iCarly studio and look through the window in the door. I couldn't spot that blonde anywhere. So much for greatening my chances on being able to talk things out with her. I went along inside anyway to grab any extra audio and video cables I left behind before the lock-in, but stopped once I heard something that sounds like a bear eating I cautiously stop moving, afraid that whatever it was would attack me. As I take little steps closer towards the noise, I come to find that it was only Sam taking a nap on the passenger side of our automobile. She looks cozy with her right leg crossed the other and her hands comfortably placed on her lap.

"Sam?" I ask to make sure she was really asleep. It took a few seconds, but her left eye shot open first before the next and that was the first sign that made me afraid that waking her up would cause her to be irritated. "What are you doing here?"

She slowly leans forward, pushing her hair out of her face and stretching her legs out before completely getting out of the car. "Wasn't it obvious I was taking a nap? What are you doing here?"

"I um…" I could help but stare into her eyes as she gave a plain, original look. "I left my keys inside my house so I came here thinking Carly was home."

"Sucks for you." She pulls her shirt down and adjusts the rest of her clothes. "If you need to know, my mom kept walking around the house with her bikini on again and she was too lazy to change so I came to stop by here too."

I laugh quietly to myself. "Um…ok? My mom isn't home so I thought why not waste some time here until she comes back."

"Make yourself at home." She opens her arms as if she was permitting me inside and takes a few steps backwards. "So where's she at? Some sort of psychopathic motherhood convention?"

I shake my head from her ridiculous question. "No. She's at some kind of nursing club, I think. Or at least that's what she told me."

"Oh…right."

From the tone of her voice, she seemed like she wasn't too interested on what I had to say about my mom. I didn't move a muscle and remained standing while she walks over to the automobile and leans the side of her body against it while pulling out her phone. I just watch as the silence between us grew. This was my time, my moment where I could make things clear between us. This silence, her not tormenting me, and us not speaking to one another wasn't good. I took a deep breath then approach her casually.

"Hey…"

She looks at me questionably, then places her phone to the side as she has my full attention. "What?"

"We should talk."

"About?"

I clear my throat, "About the night at the lock-in."

She takes a couple steps towards me, moving her head slightly to the side so she could move one of her wavy curls out of the way. "What's there to talk about? Everything was said and done, right?"

"Not everything was said…" I set myself a few feet away from where she stood across from me. "I didn't get to say much."

"Ok then. Let's hear it." She says confidently.

I felt that everything I thought I could remember saying had slipped from my brain, causing me to not know what to say once again. I couldn't leave her like this again, so I just spat out the first thing that came across my mind.

"That night, during the lock-in….you know...?"

"Yes, I know. What about it?" She asks again.

I was making this complicated **again**. "Ok look, after you and I had our…kiss…I didn't really say anything on how I felt after you told me how you felt…for me."

"It isn't the same."

"You're…what?" I ask for her to repeat herself.

"You didn't say anything, so it's not the same. I waited but nothing was said. So much for Carly's stupid advice…"

"No, no. It's not like that. I couldn't say anything because I was…I don't know, surprised? I wasn't really expecting you to do that." I had a sudden flashback of when she pulled me from my arms and drew me closer to her where she gave me a soft kiss. "I was kind of at the moment of having a loss of words."

"I get it." She says plainly.

"No you don't get it. See, you and I have this….we're…" I pause for a moment, studying the seriousness expression she has on her face. "We have this weird, special bond with each other and I think it's more than just a friendship. I can't really explain it, but it just works somehow."

She nods her head in agreement. "I can go along with that."

"And I haven't known until now that for some time I actually…you know…" I shrug my shoulders as she patiently waits for me to get it out. I couldn't really tell, but I think she was hiding a small grin that was little by little forming on her face. "…I have something for you."

I slide my sweaty palms against my jeans and ignore looking at her for a few moments. All I knew was that she remained still, watching me having a hard time with this. "I never really took that in and when our app. said you were in love, we all thought it was with Brad since you hated me."

She takes a low sigh, "Enough with the Brad thing! Like I said before, I don't hate you. We both knew that the entire time and I always said it because I like messing with you."

I couldn't help but smile and look away at her remote that lies at the laptop stand. "So because you don't hate me anymore, that means you'll finally stop…?"

"Nope, not a chance." She interrupts, knowing where I'm headed to. "Don't try to push your luck. I'm still going to get at you on everything you do. This doesn't mean I'm going to stop."

This was finally clearing up the air between us and it was helping myself feel a lot more at ease with her. Although I never thought this day would come, better yet her admitting her feelings for me or even her having feelings for me, this wasn't as bad as I thought it would turn out to be. The both of us exchange small smirks to one another. I wanted to tell what she was thinking, but knowing Sam she would find some way express herself however she could feeling comfortable with herself and in my case that would include violence with some harsh words and threats. But for now and because all of this was out, only one question remained in my mind that was buzzing around like an annoying mosquito.

"So, can I ask you something?"

She nods her head to me. "Go for it."

"Now before you tear me apart from limb to limb, I'm only asking just…you know…just in case." She doesn't say anything to me, but looks at me strangely. "Not that I'm rushing or anything...and not that I'm…you know, forcing you or…" I clear my throat. "…anything. I mean, it's only a question."

"Just get on with it." She says impatiently.

I ignore eye contact for a moment, feeling the rush again and I began feeling heated. "What if there was…if there was some possibility or a chance that we….well…" I glance back into her azule eyes to find her perceptiveness glued to me. "You know…you and I would…" I start to mesh my hands together to give her some form of sign of what I was trying to say. "If we could…if there was a chance, I mean…"

By then I knew she was somewhat getting what I meant. She was really relishing this, watching me struggle to spit out what I was saying. She teases me with a look on her face, the raising of her eyebrow and a slightly opened mouth smile as she crosses her arms across her chest. She hesitates for a moment to speak, holding her mouth open for a few more seconds and taking a few steps closer towards me; now standing only a couple inches away from me. "If…and I mean if or…when that does happen, then yea."

We continue to stare into each other's eyes, remarkably blanking out everything surrounding us and only picturing the two of us alone. I could feel something rationally pulling us together slowly, but genuinely. Before anything else could happen, a sudden noise from the door behind caught our attention. She looks past me as I turn around and spot Carly looking at the two of us without any expression and no words.

After finally leaping over the Grand Canyon, this time we were both facing another challenge. With Carly finding the both of us close together, all alone in the studio and without her, it's going to be a lot harder to explain everything and including the events during the lock-in to her.

Sam and I both take a quick glimpse at each other, then back at Carly once more with a loss of words...


End file.
